down under: Of Whirlwinds and #MisAdventures

I first found out that my Australian visa was approved exactly 21 days before my flight to Sydney. I was in the middle of the conference and quite unsure about how I felt. Yes, I was extremely happy that I just got the "keys" to a great overseas adventure but I was waiting for my friend Yam's visa to be approved.

You see, she was the one who literally forced me to get the tickets and push through with the visa application. Yam was the poster girl for going out and travelling the world. This trip wasn't on my horizon, really. But due to her consistent reminders and encouragement, I made sure that I'll AT LEAST TRY to submit the requirements, see if it gets approved and take it from there.

Two days before the flight she told me she had some problems with her visa and could not go. I panicked because I didn't really prepare anything for the trip. Sure, I was able to buy some travel books about Australia but I didn't read them because I was sure Yam was going and that we'll be alright. Hours before I left, I was in deluge of emotions. Will I be okay? What will happen to me when I get there? What if I get lost and someone steals my stuff? Is my money enough, do I need to bring more?

I had NO PLANS at all and for people who know me, this is scary. All my life, I always had a plan. I always came prepared. I was always on top. I always had a mission. I live and breathe checklists and it pisses me off if I don't have one (even for just simple daily tasks like picking up the laundry and stuff like that). This, however, was something new for me. It was a first! I was going to be on my own and clueless as to what to do and where to go. Hours before the flight, I was seriously panicking, stressed out which led me to eat three dinners (yes, shamefully). This was my way to pacifying my troubled mind and racing heart as I boarded my eight hour flight to the land down under.

On hindsight, I cannot remember the reason why I was that scared. Maybe it comes from the fact that my self-confidence was just partially intact at that time. I was partially intact at that time. I've been slowly losing bits and pieces of myself due to dozens of personal and career whirlwinds.

These whirlwinds were too much to handle and sometimes out of my control. For my 25 years of existence and with the education I was blessed to have, I had already built some pillars of my identity. I had a pretty good sense of who I was, what qualities I stand for and what I want to do with my life. I guess knowing my "whats and whys" was the reason why I used to be so brave and unapologetic. I overcame every challenge and was determined to fight for what I believe in. The whirlwinds came, took me out for a wild spin and knocked down my pillars. Dazed and disoriented, I was left to watch as my pillars go crumbling down. I just stood there and stared at the ruins. The ruins haunted me because I was helpless. At that time, I believed that it was impossible to start building the pillars all over again. I wallowed in a deep pool of pity that seemed impossible to get out of and the ruins keep on haunting me every day.

That feeling was aggravated when Yam told me she couldn't go. I was afraid that if I go alone, another whirlwind will come my way and totally ruin what was supposed to be the perfect week. I was afraid to waste my days in Australia because I might not be able to make the most out of it. I felt defeated before the fight even started and I'm sure you'll agree that it was a very bad place to start.

Sometimes, life throws you into situations you can't get out of. That was how I felt when I boarded the flight to Sydney. I was on the phone with my boyfriend Vince the whole time before the flight and he did a pretty good job in calming me down. He helped me gather what little was left of my self-confidence and just go on. His best piece of advice?

"It's too late to go back. You're already there, eight hours away from Australia. You paid for those tickets, went through the hassle of getting all the needed documents for the visa and hey, you also spent a couple of thousands for your connecting flights to Manila and within Australia. Don't tell me you're backing out now!"

It was true though. I've already invested a lot for this trip and I would be stupid not to go! What he said was pretty basic (and it was just out there, really) but sometimes that is what we really need. We become too consumed with our own issues and concerns that we tend to lose sight of the basics. Just what I needed.

I wasn't able to sleep well during that trip because I was seated beside a lady with a baby and well, you know how it goes. We arrived at Sydney a little past 9am and by 10:30am, I was out there to conquer the city on my own. Still a little agitated, I was very uneasy during my quick train trip to Circular Quay until I saw what I came there to see.

That's my giddy first picture with the Opera House (I know, you feel it too!)

I was trying to contain my excitement as I hurried down the train plaform on to the quay. It was very beautiful. The weather was also perfect - the sun was up and the air was just the right kind of cool. The Opera House looked immaculate - just like how I imagined it since I was a little girl. I stood there for a couple of seconds to take in the view and I continued moving along, finding my way to the hostel. I passed by the Museum of Contemporary Art and saw a bunch of people sitting and lying on the grass in front of it. All of them looked happy as some were taking their lunch, some where happily chatting and some were just enjoying the quay. The walkway was also bustling with people, heading out to different directions, just doing their own thing. Some would even cheerfully greet each other and the mood felt really light and jovial.

It was something I never seen or experienced before and I thought, "What a wonderful place to be in!" It indeed was. It was the perfect reminder for me to stop worrying. To just let go. To just go with the flow of the wind and allow it to take me wherever it leads. To actually forget my fear and set aside because there was nothing to fear.

Standing there, I came to the conclusion that there is more to life than whirlwinds and that you should not allow yourself to be defeated by them. Whirlwinds have the capacity to shake and break you but there is enough reason to continue. Sure, it might have knocked down my pillars but it was for a couple of reasons. Maybe my pillars did not have the best foundations or are leaning a certain way and that's why they were easily broken. The road to recovery starts from the ruins - we shall take whatever is left of the pillars and rebuild them using our learnings as to why the previous ones gave in and what should be done to make them stronger.

The trip (for me) is the unconventional story of rebuilding - of rising beyond the ruins and finding oneself. Oh don’t worry, the next few posts won’t be some sentimental chronicle about how lovely Sydney was, or how ideal Canberra is or how life in Melbourne is a hipster dream. My trip was filled with wrong turns, bruised shoulders and elbows, shipwrecks and a whole lot of funny moments. Yes, it worked for me and this is, by far, the best trip of my life!

Excited to share the my #MisAdventures*!!!! Let's go!


*Proper syntax is supposed to be Mi's Adventures but yes, we live in the world of virtual connectivity and collectivity. You know what I mean!